How to Love an INFJ
1. Hugs are important.
We are typically reserved about showing affection, but once we warm up to you, we can be incredibly cuddly. A great way to show us you love us is by reaching out — literally. We tend to retreat into the worlds inside our head, so your physical touch brings us back to the present moment. We like being reminded to come back to reality and be with the person who loves us.
2. Your opinion matters.
Being the passionate people we are, we go after what we want with relentless determination. We may work until we exhaust ourselves, and although we act like we have it all together, we often doubt ourselves if things aren’t going the way we planned. Having your encouragement means a great deal to us.
This intense determination transfers into our relationships as well. If we want you in our lives, we will make it known, and we will work to make sure you stay there. This can lead to us sacrificing too much for a relationship, so all we really ask is that you meet us half way.
3. Remind us to take care of ourselves.
As INFJs, we spend a great deal of time thinking about other people. We observe others carefully and notice their emotions. This leaves us with little time to process our own feelings unless we take time away from people to get in touch with ourselves again.
For example, when I was younger, I often retreated to my bedroom when I needed time to process things. My mom noticed this behavior, so she checked on me to make sure I was okay. However, she has always understood that I enjoy spending time alone, and she knows me well enough to know how sensitive I am. Her gentle inquiries reminded me that I was cared for, but she didn’t pressure me to leave the solitude of my room before I was ready.
4. Take interest in our interests.
We are creative people to the bone. As I already mentioned, we spend a great deal of time in our heads. Our imagination is where we come alive. If we could, we would make the real world as beautiful as the world we create in our mind. Taking a genuine interest in our creative pursuits does not go unnoticed by us. If you want to listen to our new favorite record or walk around a museum with us, we will feel how interested you are in our inner world.
5. Be honest.
I cannot think of anything an INFJ dislikes more than dishonesty. We crave authenticity in our relationships, no matter how gritty it can get. INFJs have killer intuition and insight into people, so any dishonesty will be evident to us. We may not directly accuse you of lying or covering up your true motive, but we always wish you would tell us the truth about how you feel. Your INFJ thinks the world of you, and I am willing to bet there is little you could do that would make them look at you any differently.
So, if you love an INFJ, be honest with them. It will spare both of you a lot of misunderstanding and unnecessary pain.
6. Be prepared for adventure.
We are often misconstrued as very serious people. INFJs may appear calm and reserved to outsiders, but the people who know us best also know how playful and spontaneous we are. What may seem like a spontaneous road trip to the next state is more often than not a daydream that your INFJ worked into reality. You see, our adventurous nature stems from our desire to spend time with the people we love. Being the planners we are, we will think of new and exciting things to do with you and then we will make it happen. The best thing you can do is appreciate the thought we put into an adventure and hold our hand the whole way there.
7. Hang out with us.
Speaking of spending time together, a huge way to love us is by spending quality time with us. We are typically okay with being social, but if you want to see our relationship flourish, get some one-on-one time with us. Sneaking away from the world to be alone is not only romantic, but it reminds us that you enjoy our presence. INFJs desire being valued for our unique and special qualities. Spending alone time with you says a lot about how much your INFJ loves you, but it is also a compliment to your INFJ when you want that same alone time with them.
Watch carefully, the magic that occurs when you give a person just enough comfort to be themselves. – atticus