My mom is an INFP personality type. Although she doesn’t represent every person of her type on the planet, she gives us a glimpse of INFP desires and motivations. What really makes her and other INFPs tick when you dig below the surface?
Here are five secrets of this wonderful introverted personality type.
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1. INFPs hate being controlled.
At first glance, INFPs appear to be flexible, often putting aside their own needs to preserve relational peace. They don’t readily voice their real opinions. Rather, they hint at what they want, saying something like, “Anyone want to try the new Mexican restaurant tonight?” And most of the time, they’re fine accommodating other people’s preferences.
What gets on an INFP’s last nerve, however, is when a supervisor, spouse, or anyone else attempts to confine her to a box and force her to work or live the same way every day. Deep down inside, INFPs desire personal autonomy. Unlike extroverted judging types (ESTJs, ESFJs, ENTJs, and ENFJs), they want little to do with organizing people, institutions, or projects. They need very little outer control.
But they must have inner control. Though you won’t find a judging preference in their four-letter type, INFPs are technically dominant judgers. They lead with a judging function known as Introverted Feeling (Fi), and their Fi is directed inwardly toward the self. As Dr. A.J. Drenth puts it, INFPs are control freaks — of themselves.
2. They honor their inner voice.
Another byproduct of their dominant Introverted Feeling is a strong desire for personal authenticity. INFPs resonate with the words of Shakespeare’s character Polonius: “To thine own self be true.” Watch an INFP for just a spell, and you’ll start to notice his unique outfits. While they may or may not be blatantly countercultural, they will be comfortable and unique. For an example of what I’m talking about, check out Darren Rowse’s portrait on the front page of ProBlogger.com. He’s wearing a navy suit jacket over a Captain America t-shirt.
INFP originality shows up in their art, too. Some INFPs love to write original music, novels, and screenplays. Others sketch, paint, or sculpt. And I’ve met INFP knitters, quilters, and crafters of all kinds. What all of them have in common is a longing to express their unique personal visions and personalities through their art. When they can create something that helps people, they’re especially happy.
3. INFPs might just enjoy feeling blue.
Believe it or not, INFPs may actually like feeling blue. At least, their Fi puts them in touch with a wide range of emotions. For the most part, INFPs are excellent friends when you’re feeling down. They’re quick to commiserate and empathize with you because they know what it’s like to feel discouraged, depressed, and disappointed.
Unlike INFJs, who seem to directly absorb other people’s moods, INFPs tend to tap their own emotional experiences and use those memories to put themselves in other people’s shoes. But INFPs aren’t just good at feeling what you feel. They see beauty in the valleys, rain, and cloudy days of life.
INFPs gravitate toward deep, heartfelt emotions that make them feel alive. They love what’s personal, real, and sincere, and these kinds of feelings are often purest in the raw moments of life. My INFP college roommate was a film major. Most of his movies shared a theme of loss and heartbreak, but they also showed how sorrowful moments can be beautiful, hopeful, and redemptive, too.
4. They like to mix it up.
INFPs need variety in their lives. Mom, for example, didn’t just change her job. She changed her appearance almost every year or two of her life. From time to time, my family will get together and look at slideshows from twenty years ago. Every time we do, we get a kick out of how much Mom’s hair, glasses, and outfits morph. It’s especially comical to see her standing beside my ISTJ father from year to year because his appearance hardly ever changed.
Because they enjoy variety, INFPs are happiest when they have opportunities to try new things. Their second strongest mindset, Extroverted Intuition (Ne), seeks novelty and innovation and multiple ideas. Choosing a job can be a challenge for INFPs because their Ne tends to want to explore every avenue before making a decision. Even after they make up their minds, INFPs sometimes wrestle with the fear that they’re missing out.
5. They are sentimental.
Spend a while with an INFP, and you’ll find out that they’re a bit sentimental. They hold onto antiques and family heirlooms that remind them of deceased loved ones and fond memories. When my family and I cleaned out my grandfather’s attic, I noticed this trait in my mom. As my brother-in-law and I dredged up old military awards, toys from the fifties, and decaying clothes from the bowels of grandpa’s attic, each piece brought laughter, tears, and a flood of memories from my mom. It was hard to get the task done because every five minutes we had to stop to hear about another old treasure.
INFPs are sentimental thanks to their third mindset, Introverted Sensing (Si). Si excels at storing and recalling rich memories. ISTJs and ISFJs, who are dominant Introverted Sensors, can virtually relive an experience as if they there just by thinking about it. When trinkets and old collectibles fire up an INFP’s Si and Fi, they also relive the past and experience rich feelings from days gone by.